Struggling to be Patient and Obedient

Dear Diary,

It has been a long time since I checked my stocks… so I went online to have a look and I guess it was very disheartening…. Saw that on “paper value”, I have lost thousands of dollars! The market has been in sharp decline in recent weeks and I wonder if there is any hope that President Bush’s rescue stimulus package and a Fed rate cut possibly next week will jump-start a recession-bound US economy. At least, stave off the recession long enough for me to get out of the stock market, yeah? Haha… Then again, investment is long-term and I am trying my best not to react in panic. Thankfully, I had a pretty good year-end bonus and kinda cushioned off my “paper loss”. I guess I am going to further tighten my already-frugal expenditure.

Yesterday, I put on a base-ball cap (never done that for an awfully long period of time), Bermudas and a collared soccer jersey. I stepped out of my home intending to head for Parkway Parade but decided otherwise and hopped on a bus bound for Bugis Junction. Went to meet up a colleague for a short chat over lunch. I had no real destination and went along as my inspiration led me, haha… Spent time in the new National library, reading “Destined to Reign” by Joseph Prince (Pastor of New Creation Church). The book was persuasive but… I am sorry… he is probably wrong in many aspects of his interpretations. Frankly, I am beginning to see why sincere bible-loving pastors all over the world are interpreting scriptures like a housewife buying her grocery from the market. They pick and match. A whole load of permutations but no definite conclusion! They have one thing in common; they trust in their “purported inspiration from God” or their “divine revelation” but in reality fail to substantiate with irrevocable authentic evidence the authority they “feel” they have. Anyway, I proceeded on by foot to City Hall, to the Esplanade, to Raffles’ Place. Was hoping to get some form of inspiration along the way but the skyscrapers look just as bleak and stagnated as my life!

In my own life, I am left wanting in direction! I am pretty much a perfectionist in certain aspects… more than I care to admit. When things don’t go the way I anticipate, I am unsettled. Making changes to one’s life is definitely more difficult than I imagine and I am beginning to see the less familiar “impatient” side of me. Maybe I am striving to be what I am not. I really don’t know. Patience comes pretty naturally when I deal with people but not when I deal with myself!

I could spend 45 minutes talking to a friend who was sad over the phone despite having some work to do last night. I could rush out a reference letter (the first I ever wrote for someone) for a former student in his application for the university’s overseas college program on two evenings ago. I could spend the entire Sunday afternoon accompanying a friend to a career fair at Suntec City which I wasn’t interested a single bit…. Yet when it comes to myself, I can’t seem to be patient! The nuns at the nearby convent look pretty relaxed. Maybe they know a thing or two I don’t know. Or I should walk over the church beside my house and ask the priest there if he has any advice for me?

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.

Hmmm… I agree but can I put it to practice? Most importantly, can I walk the path God wants me to, even if it is not what I desire? Moses never desired to be called out of the wilderness to lead the Israelites through the Red Sea, didn't he? He is grudgingly obedient nonetheless (ultimately he was obedient, right? Haha…), and God gave him success unparalleled. A success, not measured by yardsticks of the world, but one fulfilling his destiny in remarkable fashion.

I pray for obedience and patience. Won’t you also keep me in prayer? Thank you! I am going off now. Have a movie and a dinner to catch later! ;-) Oh yes, C.S. Lewis attributed his belief in Christ Jesus when he read Catholic-convert G.K. Chesterton's "The Everlasting Man". You may want to check out the full online version here. A good read although I think I find it too "abstract" for me. May you have a great week ahead!

God Bless,

Andrew