When I am crossing my fingers...

Dear Diary,

I am keeping my fingers crossed. There are so many things I wanna do and I know that if I procrastinate, they will go in the direction of the Standard Chartered marathon of 2006… which was no marathon! Sigh… haha… Looking forward to the “Aspire” Young Adult Camp which will be held during the Vesak Day’s long weekend holiday. Really need to align myself to God once again. Keeping the faith has been more difficult than I ever imagine since I started working. There should be no excuse on my part though. I am also actually contemplating a mission trip with my church’s medical team to help provide basic medical care for the poorest of Batam, Indonesia. Not sure how I can make this a reality till I have some concrete results in my various plans. That’s me… never a moment of “plan-less-ness”, hahaha…

Yesterday at work, I was pretty pissed off with a “customer”. There was a mini queue snaking at my dispensary counter. She came up to me, showed me a box of unopened “One Touch Sure-step” test strips and asked me if I kept those. I showed her the location and she told me about how she used to buy them from an Eastern pharmacy outlet of ours. She promised that she would be buying from my pharmacy now that she knew I kept stocks of those. I smiled weakly, not really sure how to respond to that except to excuse myself to return to the dispensary to attend to the rest of the customers. After I completed tending to the other customers, I decided to go and look at the two bottles of “Sure-step” strips which I had. One glance and it looked normal except that the bottles seemed out-of-place. However when I took the bottles and examined a little further, I realised that she swapped one of my bottles!!! I knew that their expiry dates are 12/2008 since a sales rep highlighted that to me. Now, one of them is 4/2008… which means expired! I was… like… huh???? How dare she! I literally brought someone to “steal” from my pharmacy! I typed out a “goods-return note”… hopefully the supplier will accept my request for a return. Frankly, this incident is shocking to me on how people will go about to lie and cheat.

Yet… I remember the book I am currently reading… “The Return of the Prodigal Son” by Henri L. M. Nouwen. In that book, the author, a Dutch Catholic priest, contemplated over what he saw in a famous painting by Rembrandt. In that painting, he saw the personification of the characters in the parable of the Prodigal Son which was told by Jesus and recorded for us in Gospel according to Saint Luke 15: 11 – 32. It is one of my favourite parables in the bible! Anyway, I used to focus a lot on the prodigal son who demanded for his inheritance from his father while he was still alive! That was an act of insolence and disrespect in the culture at that time and place. Okay, let me try to cut-and-paste this passage from an online bible…

The Parable of the Prodigal Son
11 And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. 12 And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. 13 Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. 14 And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. 16 And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
17 “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! 18 I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ 20 And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. 21 And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ 22 But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. 23 And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
25 “Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. 27 And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ 28 But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, 29 but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ 31 And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. 32 It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’”

Got the English Standard Version (ESV) for you, since that’s the version which my church’s bibles at the pews are, hahaha… Okay, I used to focus a lot on the sinful younger son who went on to live a wanton riotous life and the loving, merciful father who forgave him. However, ever since I read Henri Nouwen’s book, I began to see the importance of the character of his “law-abiding” elder brother and his resentment over his father’s celebration over the return of his younger brother.

In my various interactions in life, it dawns upon me that most of my friends who are the eldest children in their families, are usually obedient and good children. Probably it is that inherent pressure to set a good example for his / her siblings. They are usually loyal, obedient, law-abiding good children who seldom give their parents much headache or heartache. Yet, as this parable highlights… there is a tendency for humans to justify mercy and love with their own merits. Remember how the Pharisees and Scribes, the religious people at that time, chiding Jesus with a statement, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” (Saint Luke 15:2) In fact, Jesus highlighted this disparity again in the parable of the “Labourers in the vineyard” in the Gospel of Saint Matthew 20:1 – 15. You can check that out if you like and note that implied meaning behind it. Many of us (eg. myself, haha) who are obedient people have this propensity of “self-righteousness”. We forget that the gospel teaches us of love unconditional. The kind of love exhibited by God and represented by the father in that prodigal son parable.

Although the elder son never left the home or rebelled openly, he did not know his father. In fact, the verse 32 seems to me an invitation by the father extended to his elder son to come back to him… the gospel never told us what was the outcome. Sigh… So I must constantly remind myself that while I may be pissed off by how some people can commit such blatant sins that are deserving of punishment, I am also someone under the mercy of God. We may hate that sinful act but we should always extend love and not discriminate against those who may deemed to be more “unrighteous” because ultimately we are to emulate God in extending love, forgiveness and grace unconditionally. Our own good works do not merit any more grace than another because it is given freely to those who trust in Christ. Okay, I will be more forgiving if I see that lady who swapped my glucose test strips… Just get more video cams, spies and watchdogs on her though… haha… joking! =P

That’s all for tonight. Goodnight! ;-)

God Bless,

Andrew