Some Late Night Thoughts....

Dear Diary,

The last things I sold at my pharmacy tonight were a couple bottles and blister packs of normal chewing gums to a French couple. Yup, only in Singapore, will you need pharmacists to be around if you wanna buy your dose of harmless gums, haha… The French are a pretty affectionate bunch… especially after the lady said that her husband loves the “Classic Fruit” flavour, they were kissing in front of me each time they pulled out a blister pack of gums from that plastic rack. Hey… either kiss faster or stop kissing! I wanna go home! Hahaha…. I was told that last night, a male store assistant from my store actually returned back to the store with a bouquet of 11 roses to give to a female cashier. Brave of him… I must also be like him if I ever find the girl of my dreams! Unfortunately, the story did not seem to continue very well with the girl walking past him today in the store without a greeting. Hmmmm… so they told me.

There was this customer who was same age as my youngest sister. She came for a course of Fluoxetine (anti-depressant) today. She asked if she could get insomnia with that drug so I told her a little more on the micro-awakenings that the drug might cause. I was pretty surprised to be sprouting those information since the last time I learn about it was like when I was in university 3 years ago… Some knowledge are buried but not unearth-able, haha… For the first time in many many months, I had compassion for this patient. I don’t usually think much when I dispense medications on many chronic illnesses like hypertension, diabetes mellitus etc. For her, I was kinda sympathetic. Then I made that lousy gaffe of joking with her when she asked me if other over-the-counter sleeping pills I prescribe to her would work well. I jokingly said that she could let me know the next time she returns. Then silence… and she took the medications and left. I guess I should be more serious and this is ironic because I was genuinely sympathetic. Oh well…

This anti-depressant case came coincidentally just one day after I joined some colleagues after work for barbeque at ECP last night. Yes… 3 male pharmacists, 2 female pharmacist and 1 store manager… we could not even get our fire up and needed to live on charity from some ITE students who did a marvellous job setting up the fire for us. To think some of our guys actually complain about the quality of our charcoal… excuses excuses… =P Later on, we lapsed into discussion of psychiatry, the thoughts of Sigmund Freud which sprang up this field of medicine… I realised that deep down in me, I am utterly unconvinced that the current pharmacotherapy prescribed in the treatment of psychotic, depressive or manic patients is truly helpful in the long run. I am really sceptical that the psychotropic medications really “balance” the serotonin or dopamine levels in a person’s mind. It may help one aspect but the balance may be upset beyond recovery and the person’s therapy inevitably leads him into further dependence on the drugs or worsening of existing condition in an event of pharmacotherapy withdrawal. So when I saw this girl today waiting for me to dispense anti-depressants, I was a little sad. Sigh… Being a pharmacist can make “helplessness” a very familiar feeling, you know?

Anyway, for last night’s barbeque… one of the pharmacists is already serving her notice-period after resigning. With a couple of earlier resignations, I can’t help that my company’s pharmacy department is moving into a new era. Personally, I am trying to relinquish my portfolio and maybe pursue other areas of interest. I am still quite loss over my future. Hmmm… on a lighter note, my cashiers told me that yesterday… a pretty girl who bought some pharmacy items actually asked about me when she was paying up at the cashier… you know… my name and stuff… aiya… what a waste that I don’t remember her, hahaha… Would have love to, at least, know who she is.

On Monday (31-3-2008) this week, as I left “Spa Essential” at Cathay Building after a massage, I remember seeing this statement somewhere, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you”, which we know is one of the ten commandments, from Exodus 20:12. Usually a statement like this is kinda not “eye-catching” to most Christians. However, this time… I read it again. This is the commandment which God promises a long life to those who adhere to it which we are further reminded in the Saint Paul’s epistle to the Ephesians, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth” (Eph 5:1-3). Hmmmm…

What does the bible really mean by “long life”? Many martyrs, saints, good Christians and even Jesus Christ himself did not have long earthly lives. Are they not filial? Haha… It then dawned upon me that the length of one’s life may not necessarily be chronologically but rather the extent of contribution and satisfaction by one’s life. A person who has a chronologically long life may not live a more fulfilling and meaningful life than one who may die prematurely. It just reminded me how “well” I am living my life. A work-centred, self-centred life I have got. Yeah, just emerged from the spa some more, hahaha… I guess if we really know the meaning of the various verses in the bible, it will hit us hard on our conscience…. For example in the Beatitudes, “Blessed are those who mourned, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4). Isn’t it a contradiction? How can you be blessed when you are mourning which is obviously a sign of sorrow? I am inclined to see that the “mourning” is the acknowledgement and enlightenment of one that the world cannot truly satisfy a person. “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world but forfeits his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). Hence blessed is the man who mourns and trusts in God for he does not see the fulfilment of life in the worldly perception of self-indulgence, comfort and length of life, but rather in loving the people around him and being a good testimony for God to them! =)

A bit of haphazard thoughts of mine (since it is so late at night already!) but hope my meditation on the verses make some sense. Okay, got to go now… goodnight!

God Bless,

Andrew