Snapping Out of Self-Pity!

Dear Diary,

Since young, I have always been a guy who is never satisfied with something without proof. It is truly by God’s grace that I became a Christian because believing in Christ Jesus is a step of faith. When I was in 14 years old, I was scouring the books to find some factual justification of my paradigm shift. I did find evidences but eventually they lead to what we call dogmas. A dogma is without proof (as defined by the scientific and tangible standards of the world) but yet it is believed by its followers to be the fundamental starting point of their religion or faith.

Somehow… as I sat in my church today… I realise how much I must have made God cry. It was an evangelistic service. The preaching priest not only did not have his flowing white robes, he did not even have his clerical collar… just a necktie, haha… So much like any of us. He spoke about Jesus Christ and Zacchaeus. Yup, the notoriously corrupted chief tax collector of the Roman government… that is if you remember that encounter in the Gospel of Saint Luke… somewhere in the 19th Chapter. =P I heard that story countless of time but suddenly the scriptures seemed to speak to me this morning.

Zacchaeus had position, status, power and unimaginable wealth. Yet, he felt empty in his life… so much so that he thought that maybe Jesus Christ could help him. He faced obstacles even to just see Jesus because he was of a small stature but that did not deter him… as the story goes… he climbed up the sycamore tree just to have a glimpse of this man called Jesus Christ. In the midst of the multitude and crowd, Jesus saw Zacchaeus and told him that he would be going to his house for tea. What a life-changing experience for Zacchaeus… He repented of his sins, saying that he would give half his possessions to the poor and pay back four times the amount to anyone he had cheated. Since I started working… I admittedly, too, am drawn subtly into that self-gratification, self-seeking, self-centred ambitions. Sigh… won’t you help me God? I am sorry. =(

The wife of the priest-in-charge of the 11.15am service, gave a brave testimony to the congregation. She spoke of how she battled cancer of the nose and neck shortly after marriage. Then at the age of 36, some of the top ophthalmologists and oncologists had told her that she would be blind (because of the radiotherapy earlier) and she would not live past the age of 38 (because the malignant tumour rested at the base of her skull, and that there was a risk of close to 99% of a brain tumour developing shortly) respectively.

Obviously, as a young girl… just married… that was an incredibly bad news. She lost her pituitary gland function and had to continue everyday on a cocktail of thyroxine and other chronic medications. As she stood there in front of the church this morning, she told us that she would soon be celebrating her 53rd birthday. Praise God indeed! Some things in life… we can never find the tangible or scientific explanations to them. At this age and maturity, I am so glad that I can just say that I believe in God and in miracles. Yes, we don’t really need to know how it works… it just works… bringing the grace and mercy upon this world. =)

I feel ashamed. Many pharmacists should too. What is our minor “career predicament” compared to so many problems many others in the world face? I must learn to see more than just myself. How fortunate I am! How fortunate that we have a God who cries with us, who shared our human experience in Jesus and who died for us because He loves us. The gospel story of Zacchaeus tells us that it is not just that we who seek God’s heart but He is actively seeking for us too. And if He is actively seeking us, we can be sure that God has a plan for our lives. A plan for us to lead a fulfilling life of joy, love, hope, faith and maturity! If we are pharmacists, we will do it our best and we can touch people for the glory of God. ;-)

I also admire the resolute support this cancer-stricken lady’s husband (who is the priest) has given over more than two decades. It only tells me that marriage is a holy matrimony… just like Jesus and his Church… never apart, ever loving, ever encouraging, ever faithful... A responsibility for life! That is a matrimonial love we should look forward to when we walk up the altar. Marriage also teaches us to live not for ourselves but for others.

On a lighter “anti-climax” note, I just helped my mum to shift some stuff because new furniture are arriving tomorrow! Yay! Then I realised we have almost 50 bottles of liquors, cognacs, gins, champagnes, white and red wines in our collection!!!! Must start to make drinking our family culture. The French do that and they live to a ripe old age, haha… The world is definitely a place we can make a difference! ;-) I better live to a ripe old age because I want to make a difference. You wanna join me? ;-) Let’s start with red wine, hahaha….

God Bless,

Andrew