Piecing Up My Existence

Dear Diary,

There is really so much to talk about and update but yet when I sat snugly in my director’s chair facing my laptop computer last night, I struggled to type even a sentence! I gave up typing and went to bed at 9.30pm. It was a good night’s sleep but yet fast forward 24 hours, I am sitting here again at my laptop. Sigh… There are many thoughts in my mind and many can be subtly discouraging.

I thank God that my colleagues and superiors have been very nice to me. Yet, I felt a kind of pressure. It has a gnawing feel. I realised I am not exactly extroverted in any way at all. I expect myself to assimilate into my job smoothly but somehow I can’t seem to get into the right gear… and my journey seems a little bumpy. As a pharmacy graduate and having a long history of academic success, I can’t seem to get used to knowing so little! A colleague observed that my face practically lighted up whenever someone spoke about medication or supplements over our lunches! She told me that she could see my passion in pharmacy practice. That kinda stunned me a little but I told her that it is natural because I had studied pharmacy for 4 years.

Today, we went to NUH to visit some clients. Walking in a hospital brought back memories of my time as a pre-reg pharmacist in TTSH. I no longer walk with that flowing white coat from wards to wards to clear inpatient medical records (IMR), but walk around with my sales executive to distribute moon cakes to some clients. What a change in job scope! I am quite sure that I can still survive pharmacy work in hospitals, okay? Hahaha… I do feel that it is a pity that I am dealing with products I have no background in and not contributing as much as I wish to. I should try to get used being mediocre because it is good for the soul? Hmmm… Watching the university students jaywalked across the road just outside the science foyer seemed all so familiar. I was hoping secretly that I could just bump into a favourite former student of mine. The newspapers once lamented that our university graduates feel no attachment to their universities unlike their foreign counterparts. Instead, local Singaporeans are more attached to their secondary schools or junior colleges. Old Victorian? Ex-Rafflesians? Convent girls? Josephians? Fortunately, studying in pharmacy gave me more than just an education, it does give me good memories and an affinity to the generation of graduates / undergraduates before and after me.

As I typed this, one of three primary school classmates whom I am still in touch with just told me that she is getting married next year March. Woah… congrats! I knew her since I was in primary 1. I am trying to plan a get-together for the 4 of us later this year hopefully. Sometimes, I do hope I can fall in love easily and then get married soon also, haha… My life, sometimes feels like what is described in Ecclesiastes. I want to go back to communal christian life and invest time in bringing people to God. I am going to try attending my church’s young adult ministry regularly after virtually being absent for 2 years. Consider joining them for some street evangelism (never done that in my life!) which they are holding a fortnight from now to get myself in tune too.

Yet as much as I know and passionately feel the need to share the good news of Christ Jesus to those who have yet to know Him as Lord and Saviour, I grapple with the issue of apostolicity. Frankly, I am not exactly sure how Anglican or Protestant I am these days. Isn’t it troubling? Haha…

God Bless,

Andrew