Relationals

Dear Diary,

I have returned the book “Men’s Relational Toolbox” by Gary, Greg and Michael Smalley to the library. Quite a fantastic book I must say… suddenly, I am beginning to understand why each gender has peculiar characteristics in their interactions and habits… eg. Why guys have a tendency to flip channels on television… Hmmm… never knew there is a reason until this book tells me so. Why daughters who have more affectionate and concerned fathers have lesser tendency of BGR or indulging in excessive intimacy with the opposite gender when they are young….

Sometimes, I have this idea that Singaporean guys… although becoming more independent and tougher than their foreign counterparts (eg. Malaysian guys) due to the tough military trainings… may actually be disadvantaged in relational issues. We are, after all, described as boring and insensitive humans, haha… In a way, it may be true. The moment when I suppressed my emotions and decided not to cry, especially during the tough early days of the army… I guess I became less sympathetic, less compassionate, less emotional and less sensitive. Nonetheless, all these must change, says the book… haha… especially when relating to females.

I remember my university days and the school projects I had. As my pharmacy class was a class where guys outnumbered by the girls approximately 1 to 5, I spent most of my projects working with a bunch of girls. They used to tease me by saying that I always had lots of comments and suggestions in the beginning but became quiet and sleepy as time went by. They were absolutely right. I could sit with my bunch of nice female project partners on the benches along the CIL corridor and we could discuss for ages. They were very united, discussing question by question. There was no one who really wanted to take the lead and they could suddenly say, “Hey, did you just do your hair?” Then I know it is the beginning of a diversionary discussion about the hair, the price of the hair-cut, the location of the hair salon, the hair-stylist, whether the hair makes the face looks thin or fat, whether the hair gives the glow or emphasize the face shape or whether it is trendy and how they love it... Hmmmm… haha…

For the marketing project, I did with a bunch of guys… we did not do “collective intelligence” by discussing question by question together. We selected a leader (a collator and presenter), delegated out the work systematically and fairly. Set deadlines and off we left. The project discussion was barely 20 minutes long. In the fact, the next time we met, it was to look through the compiled power-point slides. It is almost like how guys react when they are lost in a maze. They will choose a leader and divide the rest up into scouts to look and report back before the team makes the decision where to go. For girls, they will usually herd and move along together, discussing and deciding together.

In a way, the book was right. Girls are more concerned about the process of achieving the objective while guys are just concerned about attaining the objective. Girls generally also spend time relating to others in long conversations to build up friendship and relationship while guys relate more through similar interest, hobbies and sports. Most girls who like watching sports are very likely to take an interest in the personal life of that player. Eg. watching soccer because David Beckham is playing. They probably know him and his wife and his life and his news…

While girls need praises, attention, concern and affirmations… it is usually hard for a guy show he loves another guy or show that he is concerned through words. If a father loves his son… a gesture like saying “You can take the car out tonight” would have an implicit gesture of love which any guy would have felt. Anyway, there is always a guy-gal divide. To be a real guy these days would also mean to be able to bridge that gap…. At least in my perception. Ok, I gotta resolve to be able to be more patient, giving attention, time, tender-loving care…. Resolution for next year… A more sensitive man! Okay, sobs… let me get the tissue papers… that statement is too touching… hahaha…

Goodnight!

God Bless,

Andrew